The mother/daughter relationship is one of the most intense relationships a woman will ever experience-it is strong and primary. This first and essential relationship has a powerful, though often subtle, effect on an adult woman's interactions with her mate, children, friends-and herself. Often, this crucial bond, which was initially based in love, turns into one of anger, guilt and resentment, the effects of which can permeate a woman's life; a burden from the past that is haunting, limiting and debilitating.

In this profound book, coauthors Julie Firman and her daughter Dorothy Firman, both psychotherapists who specialize in mother/daughter workshops, help readers sift through old behavior patterns, feelings and thoughts to transform their relationships and, ultimately, themselves. For every woman who experiences the pain in her relationship with her mother or daughter, there is the promise of finding the joy. The Firmans will help readers grow beyond their limitations into more integrated, freer and more fulfilled women, using stories from their own lives, case studies of other women, and practical, revealing workbook exercises.

Daughters and Mothers is an essential guide for women who want to heal their relationship and achieve greater acceptance, love and harmony. It book is for women of all ages-and one that is never too late to read.

"You know, my mother is definitely the weak point in my life in this world. It's just the most confusing, most unfulfilling relationship I have. I work on myself so much and have so many beautiful, loving friends, it just doesn't seem right that I can't reach my mother, that I can't show something real with her, you know. It just doesn't seem right that I can't communicate with her at all."

"I realize how much emotion there is attached to my mother. What I'm really experiencing is just intense, intense abandonment from her. It reminds me of so many times when she wasn't there. Times when she didn't show any interest, when she didn't take me seriously."

"I feel so much guilt and pain. I need to stop acting like a doormat for my daughter. I come from a very insecure place in relation to my daughter . . . maybe because of my relationship to my mother."

"My daughter is far away. She has no need or want, no desire to be with me. I still function. I go about my life. But the hole is the hole and the longing is there, and I feel bad about it."

"I'm angry and resentful and guilty. I'm playing both roles, pleasing my mother and my daughter. I need to bridge the gap between the generations and find my own identity in the middle—between my mother and daughter. I'm lost. Can I find my separate identity?"

"My mother died of cancer several weeks ago. She had a relapse from the lymphoma we thought was cured. As she became sicker, she recognized the right to loving treatment and I recognized the joy in giving it. I remember thinking, You've been guilty long enough, Mommy. Now you just get love. We found out she was dying only ten weeks before she died; we didn't know it would be quite so short. I said to myself that I never wanted to be one of those people I'd seen in group therapy, telling a blank wall all the things they wished they'd told their dead mother. I knew I only had so short a time to settle all the scores, to end at peace after so many stormy years, to make sure my mother died knowing how deeply I loved her, to find a gift worth giving her in her dying. I knew she had always wanted and not had enough in her life.

"I began to care for her lovingly. I would stroke her head and feet, rub her stomach when it hurt. As she lost the ability to speak and began to be more and more dazed, I would sit with her and tell her how much she was loved. My mother died really knowing how much I loved her. I know she understood and was at peace with all the joys and pain of the relationship we had had, having forgiven and blessed each other."

¬2003. All rights reserved. Reprinted from Daughters and Mothers by Julie Firman, M.S., and Dorothy Firman, Ed.D. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, without the written permission of the publisher. Publisher: Health Communications, Inc., 3201 SW 15th Street, Deerfield Beach, FL 33442.